A year of growth

The mourning over a loved one, the brokenness of a family, the struggle with an addiction, the wounds from losing the battle, the pain of the forgotten, these are all things we struggle with. Things that I experienced in the year 2013. 

This year has been a year of change, a year of lessons, a year with no regrets. This has been a year that has made me cling to my father and be thankful for the little things. This year I have learned so much and I have grown in so many ways. 

This year I ended a chapter of my life by graduating High School. Even though the road wasn't always easy, I struggled often, I made it. By Gods grace I was given the privilege of walking across the stage and receiving my diploma. Senior year was not an easy one. I struggled a lot. The one thing that kept me going was S.W.A.G, the student led bible study that we started that year. Those kids taught me so much about myself. They helped me realize that kids have the power to change the world. They made me realize that even when things are hard we cling to the savior of the world. The biggest thing they taught me was how to follow God's calling on my life. How to put aside my pride and my own dreams and follow after God's. Through S.W.A.G I was shown that by the power of God we all have to ability to change lives. They showed me Christ like love, and walked with me every step of the way. Through the good and through the bad. 

For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.

-Matthew 18:20-

This year I struggled with an addiction that I have had for years, self harming. To be completely honest with you, I can not tell you when I stopped cutting. I don't recall if it was early 2013 or late 2012. The thoughts still arise sometimes. When times get hard I often fall to my old routines. This year I have learned that I don't have to relieve the pain on my own. God is fighting this battle with me and He will be the strength I don't have. When I fail, when my past come up, when the scars mock me, my God sustains me. He tells me of my worth and shows me unconditional love. The scars will never go away, but God has healed the wounds. The memories will always be there, but God has forgiven them. I hold close to the promise that I am not fighting this battle alone. We are not walking through life on our own. We have a savior who thinks we are worth everything. Who wants to fight for us, who does love us, and who will protect us. Hold to that promise. 

The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still. 

-Exodus 14:14- 

This summer I was given two amazing opportunities. The first being given the privilege of going as the elementary and junior high youth girls sponsor at summer church camp.This was an eye opening, life changing experience. Two years ago if someone would have asked me to spend a week with eight junior high kids I would have laughed in your face. I never thought of myself as someone working with younger kids. This summer, I realized that is exactly what I want to do. Children see Christ in a way that we don't. Their love is still pure and their eyes still shielded. Being around the junior high girls was a blast. They saw life differently then I did. They didn't let the little things get them down. They jumped in and were eager to learn about Jesus. I learned patience, and how to view God in a different perspective. I learned how to just have fun and enjoy the moment when its here. This summer I also got the opportunity to go on my first mission trip to New Mexico, where I got to hang out on a Navajo Indian reservation. That week completely changed my life. It gave me a burning passion for missions. I was given the opportunity to meet so many amazing kids and adults. I connected with children who had very little. They lived in one bedroom houses with five brothers and sisters. They played with busted Frisbee, not x boxes. They cheered and screamed for bracelets. They stole food because that's what they had to do in order to get fed. They hid in the bushes hoping someone would come to play soccer with them. They broke my heart. One girl clung to me all week and I fell in love with her. She taught me how to value what I do have. She got excited when I fed her cotton candy and made me cry when she told me that her parents didn't feed her often. I saw what it looked like to have nothing, but also what it looked like to truly love God. I learned what it meant to serve others and put them before yourself. This summer my heart was changed. 

In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words of he Lord Jesus Himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive."

- Acts 20:35- 

This year I saw loss. I saw loss of faith, loss of hope, loss of loved ones, loss of life. I saw a church who fell and turned to worldly treasures. I saw people who turned back to earthly desires and lost sight of Heaven. I held those broken by loosing loved ones. Through all this loss I saw hope. I saw forgiveness. I watched a young girl loose the only parent that had ever been in here life. I watched as she fell apart and God picked her up and showed her love. I saw the strength she had and the assurance that God had a plan. I saw the pain she had in the mourning of her mother, but the love she had for our Father. I experience a church family fall apart and struggle to save what was left. Even when things seemed hopeless they clung to what little they had left. They clung to the promise that God would deliver them of their struggles and answer their prayers. I am still seeing people who once guided me in my walk loose their way. They have turned from the father and turned towards the riches of this world. The riches that will soon pass away. I saw myself begin to lose hope and begin to feel worthless. I struggled with identity and finding my place in this world. God showed me my worht and my place in His kingdom. Through all this loss I pray that God just carries everyone when they cant carry themselves. I know He knows the desires of our heart and will answer the prayer. He will forgive us and finds us worthy. 

Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. 

-Psalm 37:4

This year I began college. I began a new chapter in my life and one that was constantly being rewritten. Each day God taught me another lesson. The lesson of the power of prayer, the lesson of forgiveness, the lesson of self- worth, the lesson of patience, the lesson of obedience, I could go on and on with the lessons. I struggled more then I had before this semester. I struggled with fear of man and what others thought of me. I struggled with grades and discipline in studying. I struggled with the calling on my life. I struggled with letting my past define me. I struggled with my home life. Through all the lessons and all the struggles God bestowed blessing after blessing on my life. He gave me amazing friends that walked with me. They held me while I cried and rejoiced with me when I was joyful. They stayed up talking with me until 2 a.m and continued to point me towards Jesus. Some Friends are goofy and outgoing and caring. Some are calm and thoughtful but still caring. Some post sweet notes on my door to know that they are there for me and some barge right in the door and tell me in person. I found people that I call family and that I know will be with me through this next chapter in my life. I found a new church family that will never replace the old, but have a special place in my heart. A church who is welcoming and never gives up on us. They point us toward Christ and living a Christ like life. Dallas Baptist university has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. DBU has become my home and my comfort. It has challenged me and been the answer to my prayers. 

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, Plans to give you hope and a future."

-Jeremiah 29:11- 

2013 will soon be the past. This year was a year of growth, just as 2014 will be and the years to follow. We are always growing in our walk with God. Look at the blessings, no matter how big or little they may be. Let those be your joy. When pain comes in the night remember that joy will come in the day. Hold on the promises of God and let Him lead your life. This life is one worth living, and the eternal life is one worth striving towards. As we close out this year reflect on all the good. What lessons have you learned? How has your heart changed? When have you felt hopeless and God has given you hope? 

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

-Hebrews 11:1-

My prayer is that we can all reflect on the good and close out 2013 with a smile. 

God bless <3 

Heaven Slaughter 

The real gift.

Merry Christmas! (:

Today millions across the world are celebrating this day with gifts, family, and food. Today millions across the world are forgetting the real reason we celebrate Christmas.Presents are being passed our, food is being cooked, football is being watched and jingles are being sung. Where is the prayer? Where is the manger scene? Where is Christ? 

The answer is He is being forgotten. We focus so much on the big man with a white beard who brings us gifts, and his little elves that grant our wishes. Kids are focusing on the presents and complaining when its not what they asked. What is the real meaning of Christmas? What is the real gift?

The real gift is one that can't be wrapped. Its one that came thousand of years ago. Its the gift that was brought into this sinful world to live a perfect life. A baby born of a virgin to a mother named Mary and two fathers, one Joseph and the other God. Born in a manger and raised a carpenter. Christ is the real gift today, and every day. He is the gift that is often looked passed on this day full of earthly gifts. 

Christmas is not a day that is wrong. It is not a day that is bad and I do not want it to seem like I see it that way. Christmas is one of my favorite holidays. Until about two years ago I used to see this day as a day of receiving gifts. A day of seeing who got the biggest gift and who santa thought was the best little girl. I saw it as a day full of food and watching football or listing to music. A few years ago Christ humbled me and showed me the real reason for this holiday.

Christmas is about celebrating the one who gives us life. Sweet baby Jesus took his first breath into a world of sin and hatred, oppression and persecution, that way we would be given the opportunity to take our first breath. He came sinless just to take on all our sins and die a painful death. He lived a life perfectly, never making a mistake, that way we would be forgiven of ours. He did all of this so that you and I may have His light inside of us. 

Remember that the real gift today is a baby born of a virgin. Who came, lived perfectly, suffered, died and rose again, just so that you may be given the ultimate gift of salvation. A gift that can not be wrapped, it can not be held, but is worth more then anything money could by. The gift of love and forgiveness. The gift of a savior. 

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Isaiah 9:6

Happy birthday sweet savior. <3 

God bless,

Heaven Slaughter

Not a sinner, but a Saint.

The thing I struggled with the most this past semester is Identity. I often place my identity in the sins of my past. The last couple of nights I have been staying up with a friend and we have been reflecting on what God has taught us this semester. Through those conversations God taught me something new.

Not a sinner, but a saint.   

We so often label ourselfs as sinners. Here is a cool fact for you. The bible calls us sinners 0 times. It calls us saints 56 times. If God doesnt label us as sinners why do we label ourselves as that? Why do we put our identity in that label? Thats not to say that we dont sin, or that we dont have sin. That is true. We all sin, we all fall short. We are not bound by that sin. We are not labeled by that sin. Don't own that sin! Don't let that sin own you! 

Romans 1:7 is just one of the many verses where we are called saints. It says "To all in Rome who are loved by God, and called to be saints or His holy people. 

How awesome is that?!?! That God sees past our sin and He still loves us! He still calls us His saints! You are not a sinner, you are a saint. I am not a sinner, I am a saint. My identity is not in the scars that consume my wrist. My identity is not in the lies that entangle me. My identity is not in the hatred I used to cling to. My identity is not in the suicidal thoughts that once haunted me. Our identity is not in the word 'sinner'. Our identity is how God sees us. Our I identity is Saint.

Dont let your sin become who you are. We are a royal priest hood, the chosen, the called, the loved, the holy, the saved, the forgiven, the saint. There is never a moment when we are perfect. There is never a moment when we don't sin. There also, however, never a moment when we are not loved. There is never a moment when we are not worthy. There is never a moment when we are not forgiven.

You are not a sinner. You are a saint. Live in that. Believe in that. Have faith in that. Trust in that. 

God bless <3 

Heaven April

Fighting the Battle

This semester has been a roller coaster. Coming to college has been the biggest blessing of my life. I am so thankful that I have the opportunity to be here at Dallas Baptist and experience a Christ Centered atmosphere. As most of you who have read or heard my testimony know, I did not grow up in a christian household so Christ was not the center of my home. I was rarely around a place that was Christ centered. The only thing I had was the last two years of summer camps. Coming to DBU was a shock and felt almost like a culture change, in a way it was.

Since being here God has revealed so much about myself that I was unaware of. I'm going to take a chance and share some of those with you guys tonight.

• 1. My fear of talking to people.
• 2. My fear of confronting people.
• 3. My fear of people.
• 4. Putting my identity in how others see me. 
• 5. Fear of not being worthy enough.
• 6. Fear of not being loved. 

These are just a few things that I have learned about myself. Slowly God is revealing to me that these are all things that hinder my relationship with Him. 

The first three all go together and I will shed a little light on those right now. The fear of people really has been a lifelong thing. I always feared my mom and that stemmed into relationships as well. When that fear really started to take control I believe is freshman year of high school. As some of you know I was bullied and that really hurt me on the inside more then I let on. Those words still haunt me and have made me fear man. I fear that I will be put down or torn apart again. That fear hinders my relationship with Christ because it often keeps me from sharing the gospel. I love to talk about God and will to anyone, but im not good at small talk and becoming friends first. Sometimes in order to get to the Jesus talk you need to become friends and I have trouble with talking to people. They usually have to approach me or I wont approach them. 

 He said to them "Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation." -Mark 16:15- 

We are called to share the gospel worldwide and tell others our story. I cant do that if my fear of people is holding me back. 

The fourth one is one I have always struggled with. Putting my identity in how others see me. I struggled with this as a child growing up. I was never the bad kid and I always wanted to be good and have others see me as that good kid. I cared and still do care how others think of me. I will go out of my way to be someone I am not just so I can fit in or have others like me. I'm not sure where this identity problem came from. As far back as junior high I can remember struggling with this. I have learned so much this semester that my identity is in God. 

For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. - Ephesians 2:10

I am the handiwork of God, not of man. I need to find my worth in that. We all need to find our worth in Christ and not in this world. It is so easy to get caught up in the expectations of life. The world tells us to live a way that is separated from Christ. We are worthy enough to die for in His eyes, He created us to be more then what the world says we are. Find your worth in that. That also falls under my fifth struggle that hinders my relationship with Christ. 

This last one is one I find most pressing, my fear of not being loved. This is the one that hurts the most. I strive for love and I long for it. Growing up I didn't always feel that love from family or friends. I always knew that I was searching for more but I didn't know what it was. I now know that I was searching for the Love of Christ. I still find myself often falling back into my old ways and searching for that love in others. Not getting it when I was younger makes me long for it now. 

For whoever does not love does not know God, because GOD IS LOVE. - 1 John 4:8

This verse has so much power, especially where it states that God is love. God loved us so much that He sent His son to die for us. That alone should be all the love we need. Why do we try to find love in earthly things? The things of the earth will pass away, but the things of God will not. Find your love in Him not in man. God will reveal His love for you when you stop searching for it in this world. 

God has revealed so much and has opened my eyes to how much I actually let hinder my relationship. By His grace I am able to find forgiveness and find my worth in Him. Its a battle, but its one worth fighting for. Its hard to give up former ways and surrender all our struggles to God, but just remember He already knows them and Hes working on fixing them. Do not try and fight this battle alone. Let God do it for you. 

God will fight for you, you need only to be still. - Exodus 14:14

God bless, 

Heaven April

Who am I to......

So I know its been several months since I last posted a blog. I apologies for that, I'm not sure how many of you are still reading, but I hope some still see this. 

I am at Dallas Baptist University and falling more in love with my Father every day I am here. I have been blessed, I have been challenged. I will post about those blessings and challenges one day, but that's not what I have to say tonight. 

Conviction was brought upon me by a friend tonight and it really made me rethink some aspects of my life. As many know I do not have a great home life. There was and still is much verbal abuse. As the thanksgiving holiday approaches I am getting more and more fearful to return home. That's kind of what I want to touch on tonight. 

Who am I to fear home? Who am I to say that its to much for me to bear, or to hard for me? Who am I to say I don't want to go home because it doesn't please me? Who am I to be unforgivable to the one who hurt me? 

Fear, unforgiving, these are not of God. These are not things I should have if I am truly living as Christ did.

Psalm 27:1
The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?

Matthew 6:14-15 NIV

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Colossians 3:13 NIV

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Ephesians 4:31-32 NIV

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. 

These are just a few of the verses that deal with fear and forgiveness. In psalms it plainly states whom shall I fear? I shouldn't fear man. I let my fear have so much control of my life and most of that fear comes from MAN. Why? Why do I fear man if God is my strength? The next few verses touch on forgiveness. The one that really stands out to me is in Matthew. If we forgive man when they sin against us, God will forgive our sins. If we don't forgive men then God will not forgive ours. This verse brought so much convention to my life. The sins of my family on me are not greater than my sin on them. Why can I not forgive them for everything they have done? Christ forgave me for all I did, and for all I continue to do. Who am I to not forgive when I have been forgiven?

Something else I was also reminded of was the power of the Cross. What if Christ said the weight of the cross was to much to bear? Or being beaten until He was unrecognizable was to much for Him to handle? What if the fear of persecution of others was enough to keep Him from prophesying to those he came in contact with? But He endured such persecution, mocking, and hatred. He took the pain of being beaten, He carried His cross up Calvary hill and He bore the weight of the sins of the world. He took on our fear, worry, stress, pain, persecution as it was His own. He gave His perfect life for our sinful life. 

So who am I to flee from the opportunity to share this with others. Christ did so much more then I deserve that way I can go out and proclaim the good news. I should not fear returning home I should use it as a mission trip to share the gospel. I should look at it in a positive way and know that God is walking with me every step of the way.

That is how we should embrace situations. With the same mindset that Christ had. Cast away our fears and share the gospel. Lay down our own selfish desires and pick up our cross. Forgive the unforgivable, just as we are forgiven. Christ thought all of us were to die for so who are we to fear one another, or hate one another? 

Tonight just pray that God will open your heart. Pray that He will take the fear and worry from your life and replace it with joy. Pray that He will give you a heart of forgiveness and that He will break down those walls that you put up. Pray that He will give you the strength to pick up your cross and follow Jesus. 

God bless <3

 Heaven Slaughter

John 3:16

So this is a verse that is very common to man. Chances are whether you believe in God or not you have heard this verse at one point in your life. Here is what it says.

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in

Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16

 

 

You read it. Your brain comprehends it. Then you close your bible, or stop listing to whoever is telling you the verse. Have you ever really sat down and meditated on this verse? Like really dug deep to reveal the message God is giving you.

 

 

Until today I hadn't ever really meditated and studied the true meaning of this verse. It is simple but it goes so much deeper that what I have ever imagined.

 

 

• First you should know that The book of John leads up to this one verse. This one powerful, life changing, verse.

 

 

Okay! now lets break down this verse!

 

For God so loved the World

 

• God's love is not static or self- centered. It doesn't stand still or focus on only itself. It reaches out and draws us closer.
• In this simple beginning sentence God sets up the pattern of true love. The basis for all love relationships.

 

That He gave His only Son

 

• When you love someone so much you are willing to give up everything for that individual. This is how much God loved us. That He would send His only son to die for the sins that we commit.
• Can you imagine loving someone so much that you would give your son away to die a painful and brutal death? Its hard to imagine but that is exactly what God did for us!

 

That whoever believes in Him,

 

• To believe means more than just believing that God is who He says he is.
• To believe goes even deeper it means having total and complete faith in God. Giving all that you are to him and trusting that He will take care of you.
• It is to put Christ in charge of our present plans and eternal destiny.
• Believing is both trusting his words are reliable, and relying on him for the power to change.

 

Shall not perish, but have ETERNAL life. 

 

• Some people are repulsed by the idea of eternal life because their lives are miserable, but eternal life is not an extension of a person's miserable, mortal life.
• Eternal life is God's life embodied in Christ given to all believers now as a guarantee that they will live forever.
• In eternal life there is not death, sickness, enemy, evil, or sin.
• When we don't know Christ, we make choices as though this life is all we have. In reality, this life is just the introduction to eternity.
• Receive this new life by faith and begin to evaluate all that happens from an eternal perspective.

 

 

 

That is the breakdown of the simple verse John 3:16. This verse holds so much meaning and power and is one that needs to be studied and meditated on.

 

 

God bless <3

 

Love,

Heaven April 





Wow... It's been a while

Hey guys! wow... someone pointed out to me the other day that I had not updated since April!!! 0.0 that is crazy! I guess sometimes we get caught in the flow of life and forget the ones who are there for support. For a while I didn't update because I was at a stand still as to what to talk about. Then I guess I just fell out of the habit of updating that until someone mentioned it to me, I didn't really think about it.

Its about time that ends! I need to get back into the habit of blogging again. So I hope some of you that were reading periodically will still be reading :)

This Sunday I will leave to seek week summer church camp with my amazing youth group! I am very excited but there is another previous camp I would like to talk about.

 

Early July I had the opportunity to attend the pre- teen church camp in brownwood. For the first time instead of being a camper (I was to old) I went as more of a sponsor and helper. It was an amazing life changing week. My job for the week was to look after the girls from our church and help them in any way that they needed. It was amazing getting to see God work in their lives and to be a part of that amazing experience for them.

 

 

The first night was the most life changing. We took 6 girls and 6 boys this year. Shane Pruitt was the preacher and I can not recall the name of the band. The theme of the camp was "Fishing Patiently with God" and the main verse was Romans 12:12- Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation and constant in prayer. That first night we had 9 out of the 12 of our kids either accept Christ or recommit their lives to Him. It was amazing to feel the energy from the kids as they felt the power of God move through them. That first night is one I will never forget.

 

 

The second day I was either in the cabin or in the nurses office. We had one girl who got very sick and eventually had to go home. I don't regret for a moment volunteering to miss out on the days activities and stay behind with her. I felt that was where God wanted me. I was able to get to know the person I stayed back with and to just stay in for the day and meditate on Gods word. While the girl rested I was able to get some Jesus time in and prepare for the rest of the week. :)

 

 

The third day was the last full day of camp and it was just wonderful. The girls were split up and I was with three of the older girls and the other sponsor took the two younger girls. Its weird how the kids that you attended church and school with but never really knew, one week and you start to feel like you know them. I had spoken to all three of these girls but I hadn't really taken the time to get to know them outside of being the younger kids in our church. That day I got to hang out with them and discover who they really were. They were some pretty cool kids! That night was very memorable for me because there was a woman named Megan Bruce who was a children's entertainer. She used puppets to tell stories of the power of Christ. That was really neat but what I enjoyed the most was the ending. Its hard to explain what she did besides just saying it was amazing. So here are a few pictures to show you. :)

 



She told the powerful story of Christ in 5 simple pictures that put together showed the Love God had for us. This was an amazing way to end an amazing week.

I am so honored and blessed to have been given the opportunity to participate in this week. The power of Christ is like no other. The children of the church are not the future of the church , they are the present of the church. God can use even the youngest of people to impact the life of many! God defiantly used those 6 girls to impact my life.

 

 

Here are a few more pictures from the week :)

 

 This is a snap shot of Justice shooting the arrows at one of the activities on the first day :)

 Here are a few of the boys preparing their fishes during art time. These fishes were put on a net in the worship center for all to see!

 Britney is doing the same as the boys were in the above picture. Jesus fish time!

 Here are 5 out of the 6 girls that went to camp this summer. Like I stated before one got sick and had to go home.

This is little Marilu. :) She weighs like 50 pounds! Its always fun having her around!

 

 

 

Once again I am sorry that it has taken me so long to update. I will start updating on a regular basis like I used to. I hope you all bear with me and continue reading.

 

God bless <3

 

Love,

Heaven April