I will not lie and say that this past week has been easy. I have struggled alot. This blog post is not going to be about the camp that was here this past week its going to be more about how God has been speaking this week.
I have struggled.
Its as simple as that. I have had a hard week and have fallen into things that not of God. One major problem I have had this week is anger and hurt. I have found myself more angry than I have ever been. I have been on edge all week and that has show in my encounters with people. The main reason I have been so angry is that I have began to realize what God's calling on my life is and I have not been seeking after that calling. I have a direction and a drive to follow but I have been letting worldly things get in my way. Through all of that God has really done some work on my heart.
For months now I have felt a calling to home. That is a hard calling for me. I spent 18 years running away from home and from the atmosphere I was in. So for God to tell me to go home, that was hard for me to handle. It took me months to realize that it was Him speaking. This past week I have never heard God speak with such a clear voice to me. Here is what I heard.
Go home my child, and I will provide.
I feel a calling to go home and work with the youth in my church. After the week we experienced at Seek Week, I really feel called to follow through with them and to just do life with them for a bit. For years I have tired to get away from my house and the abusive atmosphere that surrounded it. When I graduated I got as far away as I could and I spent a year avoiding holidays so I wouldn't have to go home. Now I feel that God has grown me so much and taken away so much fear and hatred to home that its my time to listen to Him and go do ministry within my own family. All of this terrified me. It still does. After my boss told us something in a meeting I knew what I needed to do. Here is what he said.
"Your dream job will never satisfy you like your calling."
How true is that? Working here this summer is a dream job of mine. I love working here and getting to do ropes and zipline. I love watching week after week as kids come through and have an unforgettable week. I love being a part of that. I love the beautiful scenery and the never ending Gatorade. I love the friendships I have made. Working here is my dream job. My calling is home.
I made a commitment. Knowing that I was being called home and staying here made me feel like I was disobeying God. That is what made me most angry. That started showing in how I was treating others. Then I prayed. Why I didn't pray to begin with. I'm not sure, maybe because I am human! I prayed God will show me that He would still be pleased with me even if I stayed here instead of going home. Here is what happened.
I prayed right before I went to work. I'm not sure what day it was, but I remember I was heading out to the ropes course to do the leap of faith. One of the first groups that came to the ropes course had been at the zip line with me earlier that morning. It was nice to see some familiar faces. That is when God answered my prayers. One of the girls in the group was not feeling well so she was laying down on the bench. When I was done working my element I went and sat next to her just to check on her. She told me she had already been to the nurse and her stomach was hurting to the point she was in tears. To get her mind off the pain I just starting talking to her. I asked her how she liked camp and what she was learning. I asked if she had learned about Jesus and what He did for us. When she said yes, I asked her to tell me. She did. Then I asked her her favorite verse. She said John 3:16, but she couldn't remember it fully. I knew the verse but instead of just telling her I asked her if she would like for me to read it to her. When she answered yes I grabbed my bible and looked it up. That seemed to calm her down a little. I then asked her if I could pray for her. She said yes. I placed my hand on her stomach and prayed for healing. When I got done she said she began to feel a little better. The pain was bearable now. Shortly after her group got up to leave. I could tell she didn't want to. Honestly I didn't want her to, I could have talked to this sweet girl all day long. She finally stood up and prepared to leave with the group. I said goodbye and turned to get ready for the next group. She then comes up to me and gives me a hug and said "thank you".
Right then God answered my prayer through this sweet girl. I was at ease. I felt that God would be pleased with me and that He would use me even if I didn't follow His calling home. That one moment made everything worth it. Today as I sat out by the water I was reminded of that moment. Once again Satan was attacking and telling me I was useless. That I didn't belong here and I would never do anything. Than that one encounter with that beautiful child came to mind. The amazing thing is that is just one of the many encounters I have had this summer with children. I know that God has so many more of those encounters in store for me. Especially as we start preparing for the foster kids next week.
God speaks in the most beautiful ways. This is my dream job. This is my summer mission trip. This is where I belong for this season of my life. God can use me. God will use me. I am on the mission field and I am on the front lines ready to fight for Him and His beautiful children.
This week God taught me how to listen, but He also taught me how to see every opportunity as a mission. He taught me to just shut up and not let my emotions get the best of me. He showed me how to love those who hurt me and how to do all I do for Him not for myself. He told me
Listen my Child.
Follow God. Lean on Him. Let Him be your strength. Do all work for His glory.
God bless,
Heaven Slaughter
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